They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
