He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
