Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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