So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize