i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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