It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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