Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
