Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
