How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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