matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
