She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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