I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
