You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
