M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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