My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
