I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
