umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
