Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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