thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
