im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
