so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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