I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Randomize
