you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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