Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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