i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
