I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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