She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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