I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
