So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
