We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
