Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
