I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
