Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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