I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize