You made me cry and you don't even care
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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