Where did you get a picture of my penis
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
did i just pee glitter
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
