Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
