Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
