My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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