You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
