So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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