Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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