I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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