Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
