The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my shit smells like andre
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
