I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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