dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
