He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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