: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
