I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
