i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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