My room smells like vodka and shame
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
