I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
