when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
