To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
