i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
