Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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