Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
