Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
