Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
