It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
