Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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