Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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