Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
