We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
