The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
