Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
