Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
