oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
