Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
